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APRIL FOOL EDITION BELIEVE IT OR NOT teitte Dean Bell wood 8ays: “A head of hair is like democracy; you never miss it until you lose it.” Z13 Tuesday, March 29, 1938 Published by A ssociated S tu d en ts ^ARIZONA STATE TEACHERS COLLEGE, FLAGSTAFF, ARIZONA Vol. X X V — No. 25 Secret Marriage Of Popular Couple Revealed Campus Crime Ring Exposed GET MANES 'v“ ANDERSON & ART MeNEIL Mystery Of Missing Clothes Divulged Through Confessions LARGEPROFITS Dean’s Direction Miguel's Social club will open under new management in the very near future. The controlling interest was sold to one of the deans of the college. The intentions of the new manager are to make the club more modernistic and up to date in every way. Upon its completion it will rival the Ritz. The new owner being a very good judge will initiate a new type of refreshments. The judgement was attained after smelling many breaths at the North lounge door. 01----- 1,1 FAIN AND LINTZ PLAN REVISIONS OF IMPORTANCE Associated Men S t u p i d s — Draws Fire Of Reformers be the barmaid, and her previous experience with drinks should prove very helpful along this line. Her cheerful smile will accompany every drink served. The stooges of the new owner will serve refreshments at the tables. She insists she can pack them all in, but at times we wonder. A 12-piece orchestra has been engaged to play for the night club. It will cater to college stu- Rowdiness will not be tol- In a recent meeting held between Mean Dinny Lintz and For-othy Dain, plans were made for the future activities of the Associated Women’s Stooges, one of She will j the most promising organizations Credit D u e S l e u t h Don Sell For Great Work “Pop" Lunceford was informed yesterday by Don Sells, private detective for the campus, that after trying to find the laundry thieves for three years, he finally was able to obtain enough evidence to arrest the gang which has been in existence a t A. S. T. C. dents. ____________________ Stealing of clothes had been a erated. She will do her own bounc-profitable racket for Art McNeil, ing in case unforseen incidents of ring leader, Bill Manes, and Tom-1 this kind occur, my Anderson until last week, when College students are cordially in- Detective Sells got on their trail, vited, especially the girls. For It just happens that A rt has a girls who wish to stay out longer laundry business in Bury Hall, and than their time limit, the manage-what a business. Everybody has ment has made arrangements w i t h __ „ i____________ . ___ _ been wondering why Art dressed the college so that it will be pos-1 w t i Ih f £ like a millionaire, and could afford sible to stay at the club all night. *- - 1— mrhtL They mugt ret Um to the college in Clde to adopt the UBed 8nc* time for breakfast, that is, if any is desired. A spring formal will be held every Friday and Saturday night. on the local campus. While not in ftivor of making too many drastic changes within the remainder of the school year, Mean Lintz announced that it was imperative to force organization* to take an active part in campus life. “For example," she added, “take the A. W. S. Not a meeting goes by but that three or four of our stoolies make their reports upon activities of the women students. We make our work fun, and the council always has a hilariously good time passing down my verdicts to the students." One of the first organizations to be worked over, it was announced, will be the Associated Men Stupids. The need of an active men’ e u im iw iia u c , cu*u v.wum v «. v* to play his $200 radio every n ig h t Bill Manes was always bragging that he received $80 a month for spending money, and Tommy Anderson tried to fool his girl friend by saying that he had •nough money to get married because he was doing good in the laundry business (getting a rakeoff from the college laundry). The trio of desperados was very strongly organized. Bill Manes stole the clothes from the basements, or entered rooms which were left open and swiped the best that could be found. Bill took the stolen goods to McNeil, who immediately sent the clothes to the laundry to be washed and ironed so that the owner copld not recognize them. Besides committing this crime, Art charged the laundry bill to the college, and was able to get clean profits out of his business. Tommy Anderson was the fence for the trio, as he took the stolen goods to sell down town to the merchants who were very well satisfied with the bargains. Art McNeil was the first to confess the racket, and he said th at the only reason that he stole was because he’s quitting school to get married, and needed enough money to buy everything th at a wife should deserve. He also stated that he had already bought a house in Beverly Hills with the profits that he made. Bill Manes came next and in his signed confession alleged that he had been stealing for four years because he needed money to buy clothes. He had planned to do practice teaching in his last year and wanted to be the best dressed teacher on the campus. Tommy Anderson gave an honest opinion why he was engaged in such a racket. He said th at he has gone around with a girl a t Globe for nine years, and wanted to m arry her very badly. The vstudents of A. S. T. C. expressed a vote of thanks to Detective Sells for his splendid work. “Pop" Lunceford said th at the gang will be sent to Alcatraz to spend three months (or years) behind the bars. Seibel Publishes Volume “ H o w To Snare Your M ate” Ted Seibel has at last revealed the secret of his success with women in a concise, modestly written volume, titled “This Is How I Get Them.” Seibel has set forth his theories in his usual friendly style, generously sharing his knowledge with all. cide to adopt the system used successfully by the women students, both groups will be much better off. With the men signing in by 10:30, the campus night watchman can be dismissed and his salary diverted towards the pay to be given to the stoolies witnin the men’s hall. Then too, the women students would not be consistently worried about editorials written by-enraged men, as the men would have their own problems to look >out for. “When active organizations blossom forth o’er the campus, it will be found lliat the student council can be dofle away with, as organizations can be developed into a representative council. With time and subtleness employed,” ' Miss Dain remarked, "my superior, Miss Quinn Confesses Concerning Nite Owl Hikers, Ltd. Prune P u r v e y s Publicity Pertinent to Proved Pedestrians President Elton Quinn, founder and leader of the Nite Owl Hikers, Ltd.. announced late today that he is going to launch a membership compaign, immediately. He is sole member to date and from all indications. there will be no increase in the future. To his anxious public (? ) Quinn announces, “Boys and girls and girls and girls, I know all of you are thrilled at the prospects of joining my great organization, which will be very exclusive. I hope you realize the tremendous ordeals I have braved to establish a background and tradition for our club. “ 1 met a beautiful damsel at Miguel’s last Saturday and I danced with her and then . . . I asked to take her Jiome when she said she lived 'a little Ways east of town.’ I’m sureashell glad she didn't say it was a long ways because her ‘little ways’ was 14 miles. Well, I drove her home and then my Ford stalled just as 1 .was leaving her yard. Now, a l4V4 mile walk is quite a jaunt in the middle of the night and I hiked every step of it . . . and liked it! All the way home (I arrived at 6:30 a. m.) I dreamed of organizing a hiking club and now my nightmare is to come true. “I have ho intentions of infringing upon the franchise of A1 Smith’s Hiking club and I have assured him that membership will be strictly limited to those who get a kick out of the pure night atmosphere, as I do. "Thanks, my admiring friends, and I hope you will all accompany me on my week-end hikes, 14^4 miles east and back.” What a man, this Quinn, what NEILSEN, ALTWEIS JOINED IN MATRIMONIAL BLISS DURING XMAS HOLIDAYS Newlyweds When the girls learned there was a new boy on the campus the athletic girl asked: “W hat can he do?” The chorus girl: "How much has he?” The religious girl: “What church does he belong to ? ” The red-headed girl: “Where IS h e?” Julie Osborn was recently elected the La Cuesta Queen, but to the A. W. S. council Bobbie Gottlieb and Margaret Shucks are the campussed queens. SS & unti »l,rSnd(l. e« ^ , y • • - * • pie to gain control of campus student activities. It is only, proper that the Dean of Women be entrusted with campus reign. It is a widely known fact that Mean Lintz never renders a decision that is not carefully thought over from all angles; personal likes and dislikes never enter into verdicts.” Closing their regular meeting, Mean Lintz and “Dis” Dain recorded the unanimous finding that promoting the new leadership plan would, if successful, do away with the necessity of having a college president, college dean, and deans of men and women, as these positions would be united into one, the Recktor of Balance and Morals, which would, of course, be filled by Miss Lintz. object of your affections completely off her feet before she can find out what others think of you. There must be no slipups in this important m atter. It is liable to cause no end of trouble.” Another factor is proving your friendly spirit by sneering at one and all wno come into view. This also proves your manly spirit, says Seibel Many more intimate secrets are set forth in this volume. Seibel says he expects to retire in ease from the proceeds of the sale. Merle Crist recently discovered that his high school ring which has been missing for some time, i9. back in the fold again. Things We’d Like To See 1. Baldy Dushek with hair. 2. “Hugo” Salzbrenner dancing. 3. Decent meals in the dining hall. 4. Julie Osborn coming down to A rth . 5. Helen Burmister serious. 6. Hilda Binder jealous. 7. Pat Feeney not blushing. 8. Jack Thompson not giggling. 9. Mary Liggett without makeup. 10. Dean Lintz without her striped bathrobe. Babe Kling not bumming. Butch Andrews not bragging. Reformers Fired with a zeal to reorganize the campus for the benefit of the entire student body, Dictators “Mussolini” Fain and “Hitler” Lintz are pictured planning the reforms which will mean the salvation of the school—if not the world. 13. "Maxie” in a bathing suit. 14. Betty Welsh not strutting. 15. Art McNeil without his pipe 16. Carl Neilsen’s hair messed P. 17. Dr. Tormey without his dog. PAINTER PROFESSES PROUD PARENTHOOD Perhaps it will be of interest to the students of A. S. T. C. to know that Jack Painter is the_ proud father of a nine pound baby, born March 21. Painter received a telegram recently telling him to leave immediately for Yuma. It didn’t say what the troubles were, and Jack prepared to leave right away. It was not long, however, until he found out that he was a proud papa. Painter did not know what to do or what to say, as he had no intentions of being a father for a long time yet. “I’m proud, but I didn’t know I could be a father, as I thought I had to attend four years of college to be able to be one,” Painter said when he was asked how it felt to be a daddy. Hashers Hacked By Brutal Beating Of Hanley’s Best Labor War In Dining Hall; Kling and Brown Are Suspects After a brutal attack on Snuffy Parker, the local hashers are making a final attem pt to organize into the P. H. U. (Protective Hashers Union). Mr. Parker, while walking, alone last week, was seized by tVo unknown men, forced into a room, beaten and bound hand and foot and left lying on the floor. Immediately upon freeing himself, Snuffy reported the outrage to the fellow hashers and an investigation Immediately followed. The special agents of the Hash-erites have not yet disclosed the names of the two persons responsible for this act, but according to Mr. Parker they were "Pop” Kling and "Snake” Homer Brown, who are the strong-arm men for the Hasherites who employ Fred Smith t "Big Shot.” Ross "Buzzardhead” Haskievich, organizer for the Hasherites, announced that Mary Hall has been appointed spokesman for the group and that Homer Jacobsmeyer would serve as chief stooge. The strong-arm men, named today, were Mike LeVecche, “Fizzy” S*to and “Black Jack” Ferguson. ' ' « * / ' • The demands made by*the Hasherites are as follows: 1. Two tables a day, two days a week, two weeks a month, for a full time job. 2. No more drying of silverware. 3. Permission to carry eight or more centers on a tray at one time. 4. Linoleum in place of table cloths. 5. _ Less of Jake’s .and Mary’s barking and getting on. 6. To be allowed to take coffee and tea out when it is ready. 7. To have the Hobartites locked in the kitchen until each meal is finished, when they are to be released and made to clean up the tables and reset them. 8. No more soup. According to latest reports, "One Punch” Louie Miguel Blair has broken even in his fistic encounters to date. He won his first match by an impressive knockout and lost the last one by verbal decision to the "Mick” at the Armory. Nina Donovan spent Tuesday in the infirmary with a severe case of “testeritis.” She missed the weekly science test. iScoop S c o r e d By Pine In Obtaining Facts Of Case COUPLE JAILED Mysterious P h o t o g r a p h Arouses Campus Curiosity Congratulatory phrases, intermingled with whispers oi apprehension, went the rounds of the old A. S. T. C. campus early this morning when the secret marriage of Knobby Kneilsen and Jug Alt-weis was revealed to the astounded students. The congratulatory phrases were OK but the apprehensiveness was occasioned by the picture th at was forwarded with the story by Tommy Tucker, former assistant editor of the Pine, who is now employed by the California Bureau of Investigation. According to Tucker’s letter to the Pine, the picture, reprinted in this issue of the school paper, was found among the L. A. Police records which disclosed the fact that the well-known Lumberjack couple “got hitched” during the Xmas, holidays. Investigating the case further, Tucker revealed that the couple had taken the nuptial vows on December 29, in the Wee Kirk o’ the White Feather, located in Glendale. The records, which the enterprising sleuth delved through, gave no hint as to the reason for the jailing of the young newly-weds, but a follow-up letter informed the members of the Pine staff that further information would be forwarded for the next issue of th e Pine. Until that time, view the accompanying photo and draw . your own conclusions. While announcement of the m arriage. obtained by the Pine in its latest scoop, occasioned a great deal of comment, it was not entirely unsuspected by the many close friends of the couDle. Neilsen, when interviewed by a reporter concerning the marriage, made the following statement. "It’s joyful!” The former Miss Altweis could not be reached by a Pine^j staff member but was reported to be “Kneilsen in prayer.” The bridegroom has been one of Joe Chavez* outstanding janitors during his sojourn on the local campus and also won a few letters in various sports. The bride received outstanding recognition for several attem pts to introduce a Nazi bund at A. S. T. ,C. She is also secretary of the Associated Students. Blue Boy H iking Club M em bers Go To Sunset C rater The Blue Boy Hiking club trudged to Sunset C rater last Saturday, under the direction of “Cough Drop” Smith, and added many valuable miles to the year’s total. It was estimated that 30 trek-kers made the hike to the extinct volcano. Blue Boy was accredited with the greatest mileage for the day, according to Prexy Al. “Let’s see,” said Al, "30 hikers, riding 19 miles, give Blue Boy a total of 570 miles for the day and 30 students, hiking 3 miles apiece, brings the student total to 90 miles. A great organization, this club, and a credit to the school—but what the hell would we do without Blue Boy?” Marlin Ditchey and Ted Seibel spent the week-end in Needles. They bummed their way over and threaded back to the campus early Monday. A complete investigation of the case by the American Medical association followed Mr. James G. J o h n s o n ’s announcement that James Jr. had been born wearing spats.
Object Description
Rating | |
Item number | 1938_03_29 |
Creator | Northern Arizona University. Associated Students. |
Title | The Pine, March 29, 1938. |
LCCN | sn94050595 |
Volume | 025 |
Issue | 25 |
Date | 1938-03-29 |
Type | Text |
Physical format | Newspaper |
Collection name | Northern Arizona University: The Pine |
Language | English |
Repository | Northern Arizona University. Cline Library |
Rights | Digital surrogates are the property of the repository. Reproduction requires permission. |
County | Coconino |
Subjects | Northern Arizona University--Students--Newspapers |
Places | Flagstaff (Ariz.)--Newspapers |
Master file name | 1938_03_29.pdf |
Master file creation date | 2014-03-28 |
Master file size | 9900898 |
Master mimetype | application/pdf |
Master file format | |
Software | Abobe PDF Version 1.4 |
Description
Title | Page 1 |
Oral history transcripts | APRIL FOOL EDITION BELIEVE IT OR NOT teitte Dean Bell wood 8ays: “A head of hair is like democracy; you never miss it until you lose it.” Z13 Tuesday, March 29, 1938 Published by A ssociated S tu d en ts ^ARIZONA STATE TEACHERS COLLEGE, FLAGSTAFF, ARIZONA Vol. X X V — No. 25 Secret Marriage Of Popular Couple Revealed Campus Crime Ring Exposed GET MANES 'v“ ANDERSON & ART MeNEIL Mystery Of Missing Clothes Divulged Through Confessions LARGEPROFITS Dean’s Direction Miguel's Social club will open under new management in the very near future. The controlling interest was sold to one of the deans of the college. The intentions of the new manager are to make the club more modernistic and up to date in every way. Upon its completion it will rival the Ritz. The new owner being a very good judge will initiate a new type of refreshments. The judgement was attained after smelling many breaths at the North lounge door. 01----- 1,1 FAIN AND LINTZ PLAN REVISIONS OF IMPORTANCE Associated Men S t u p i d s — Draws Fire Of Reformers be the barmaid, and her previous experience with drinks should prove very helpful along this line. Her cheerful smile will accompany every drink served. The stooges of the new owner will serve refreshments at the tables. She insists she can pack them all in, but at times we wonder. A 12-piece orchestra has been engaged to play for the night club. It will cater to college stu- Rowdiness will not be tol- In a recent meeting held between Mean Dinny Lintz and For-othy Dain, plans were made for the future activities of the Associated Women’s Stooges, one of She will j the most promising organizations Credit D u e S l e u t h Don Sell For Great Work “Pop" Lunceford was informed yesterday by Don Sells, private detective for the campus, that after trying to find the laundry thieves for three years, he finally was able to obtain enough evidence to arrest the gang which has been in existence a t A. S. T. C. dents. ____________________ Stealing of clothes had been a erated. She will do her own bounc-profitable racket for Art McNeil, ing in case unforseen incidents of ring leader, Bill Manes, and Tom-1 this kind occur, my Anderson until last week, when College students are cordially in- Detective Sells got on their trail, vited, especially the girls. For It just happens that A rt has a girls who wish to stay out longer laundry business in Bury Hall, and than their time limit, the manage-what a business. Everybody has ment has made arrangements w i t h __ „ i____________ . ___ _ been wondering why Art dressed the college so that it will be pos-1 w t i Ih f £ like a millionaire, and could afford sible to stay at the club all night. *- - 1— mrhtL They mugt ret Um to the college in Clde to adopt the UBed 8nc* time for breakfast, that is, if any is desired. A spring formal will be held every Friday and Saturday night. on the local campus. While not in ftivor of making too many drastic changes within the remainder of the school year, Mean Lintz announced that it was imperative to force organization* to take an active part in campus life. “For example," she added, “take the A. W. S. Not a meeting goes by but that three or four of our stoolies make their reports upon activities of the women students. We make our work fun, and the council always has a hilariously good time passing down my verdicts to the students." One of the first organizations to be worked over, it was announced, will be the Associated Men Stupids. The need of an active men’ e u im iw iia u c , cu*u v.wum v «. v* to play his $200 radio every n ig h t Bill Manes was always bragging that he received $80 a month for spending money, and Tommy Anderson tried to fool his girl friend by saying that he had •nough money to get married because he was doing good in the laundry business (getting a rakeoff from the college laundry). The trio of desperados was very strongly organized. Bill Manes stole the clothes from the basements, or entered rooms which were left open and swiped the best that could be found. Bill took the stolen goods to McNeil, who immediately sent the clothes to the laundry to be washed and ironed so that the owner copld not recognize them. Besides committing this crime, Art charged the laundry bill to the college, and was able to get clean profits out of his business. Tommy Anderson was the fence for the trio, as he took the stolen goods to sell down town to the merchants who were very well satisfied with the bargains. Art McNeil was the first to confess the racket, and he said th at the only reason that he stole was because he’s quitting school to get married, and needed enough money to buy everything th at a wife should deserve. He also stated that he had already bought a house in Beverly Hills with the profits that he made. Bill Manes came next and in his signed confession alleged that he had been stealing for four years because he needed money to buy clothes. He had planned to do practice teaching in his last year and wanted to be the best dressed teacher on the campus. Tommy Anderson gave an honest opinion why he was engaged in such a racket. He said th at he has gone around with a girl a t Globe for nine years, and wanted to m arry her very badly. The vstudents of A. S. T. C. expressed a vote of thanks to Detective Sells for his splendid work. “Pop" Lunceford said th at the gang will be sent to Alcatraz to spend three months (or years) behind the bars. Seibel Publishes Volume “ H o w To Snare Your M ate” Ted Seibel has at last revealed the secret of his success with women in a concise, modestly written volume, titled “This Is How I Get Them.” Seibel has set forth his theories in his usual friendly style, generously sharing his knowledge with all. cide to adopt the system used successfully by the women students, both groups will be much better off. With the men signing in by 10:30, the campus night watchman can be dismissed and his salary diverted towards the pay to be given to the stoolies witnin the men’s hall. Then too, the women students would not be consistently worried about editorials written by-enraged men, as the men would have their own problems to look >out for. “When active organizations blossom forth o’er the campus, it will be found lliat the student council can be dofle away with, as organizations can be developed into a representative council. With time and subtleness employed,” ' Miss Dain remarked, "my superior, Miss Quinn Confesses Concerning Nite Owl Hikers, Ltd. Prune P u r v e y s Publicity Pertinent to Proved Pedestrians President Elton Quinn, founder and leader of the Nite Owl Hikers, Ltd.. announced late today that he is going to launch a membership compaign, immediately. He is sole member to date and from all indications. there will be no increase in the future. To his anxious public (? ) Quinn announces, “Boys and girls and girls and girls, I know all of you are thrilled at the prospects of joining my great organization, which will be very exclusive. I hope you realize the tremendous ordeals I have braved to establish a background and tradition for our club. “ 1 met a beautiful damsel at Miguel’s last Saturday and I danced with her and then . . . I asked to take her Jiome when she said she lived 'a little Ways east of town.’ I’m sureashell glad she didn't say it was a long ways because her ‘little ways’ was 14 miles. Well, I drove her home and then my Ford stalled just as 1 .was leaving her yard. Now, a l4V4 mile walk is quite a jaunt in the middle of the night and I hiked every step of it . . . and liked it! All the way home (I arrived at 6:30 a. m.) I dreamed of organizing a hiking club and now my nightmare is to come true. “I have ho intentions of infringing upon the franchise of A1 Smith’s Hiking club and I have assured him that membership will be strictly limited to those who get a kick out of the pure night atmosphere, as I do. "Thanks, my admiring friends, and I hope you will all accompany me on my week-end hikes, 14^4 miles east and back.” What a man, this Quinn, what NEILSEN, ALTWEIS JOINED IN MATRIMONIAL BLISS DURING XMAS HOLIDAYS Newlyweds When the girls learned there was a new boy on the campus the athletic girl asked: “W hat can he do?” The chorus girl: "How much has he?” The religious girl: “What church does he belong to ? ” The red-headed girl: “Where IS h e?” Julie Osborn was recently elected the La Cuesta Queen, but to the A. W. S. council Bobbie Gottlieb and Margaret Shucks are the campussed queens. SS & unti »l,rSnd(l. e« ^ , y • • - * • pie to gain control of campus student activities. It is only, proper that the Dean of Women be entrusted with campus reign. It is a widely known fact that Mean Lintz never renders a decision that is not carefully thought over from all angles; personal likes and dislikes never enter into verdicts.” Closing their regular meeting, Mean Lintz and “Dis” Dain recorded the unanimous finding that promoting the new leadership plan would, if successful, do away with the necessity of having a college president, college dean, and deans of men and women, as these positions would be united into one, the Recktor of Balance and Morals, which would, of course, be filled by Miss Lintz. object of your affections completely off her feet before she can find out what others think of you. There must be no slipups in this important m atter. It is liable to cause no end of trouble.” Another factor is proving your friendly spirit by sneering at one and all wno come into view. This also proves your manly spirit, says Seibel Many more intimate secrets are set forth in this volume. Seibel says he expects to retire in ease from the proceeds of the sale. Merle Crist recently discovered that his high school ring which has been missing for some time, i9. back in the fold again. Things We’d Like To See 1. Baldy Dushek with hair. 2. “Hugo” Salzbrenner dancing. 3. Decent meals in the dining hall. 4. Julie Osborn coming down to A rth . 5. Helen Burmister serious. 6. Hilda Binder jealous. 7. Pat Feeney not blushing. 8. Jack Thompson not giggling. 9. Mary Liggett without makeup. 10. Dean Lintz without her striped bathrobe. Babe Kling not bumming. Butch Andrews not bragging. Reformers Fired with a zeal to reorganize the campus for the benefit of the entire student body, Dictators “Mussolini” Fain and “Hitler” Lintz are pictured planning the reforms which will mean the salvation of the school—if not the world. 13. "Maxie” in a bathing suit. 14. Betty Welsh not strutting. 15. Art McNeil without his pipe 16. Carl Neilsen’s hair messed P. 17. Dr. Tormey without his dog. PAINTER PROFESSES PROUD PARENTHOOD Perhaps it will be of interest to the students of A. S. T. C. to know that Jack Painter is the_ proud father of a nine pound baby, born March 21. Painter received a telegram recently telling him to leave immediately for Yuma. It didn’t say what the troubles were, and Jack prepared to leave right away. It was not long, however, until he found out that he was a proud papa. Painter did not know what to do or what to say, as he had no intentions of being a father for a long time yet. “I’m proud, but I didn’t know I could be a father, as I thought I had to attend four years of college to be able to be one,” Painter said when he was asked how it felt to be a daddy. Hashers Hacked By Brutal Beating Of Hanley’s Best Labor War In Dining Hall; Kling and Brown Are Suspects After a brutal attack on Snuffy Parker, the local hashers are making a final attem pt to organize into the P. H. U. (Protective Hashers Union). Mr. Parker, while walking, alone last week, was seized by tVo unknown men, forced into a room, beaten and bound hand and foot and left lying on the floor. Immediately upon freeing himself, Snuffy reported the outrage to the fellow hashers and an investigation Immediately followed. The special agents of the Hash-erites have not yet disclosed the names of the two persons responsible for this act, but according to Mr. Parker they were "Pop” Kling and "Snake” Homer Brown, who are the strong-arm men for the Hasherites who employ Fred Smith t "Big Shot.” Ross "Buzzardhead” Haskievich, organizer for the Hasherites, announced that Mary Hall has been appointed spokesman for the group and that Homer Jacobsmeyer would serve as chief stooge. The strong-arm men, named today, were Mike LeVecche, “Fizzy” S*to and “Black Jack” Ferguson. ' ' « * / ' • The demands made by*the Hasherites are as follows: 1. Two tables a day, two days a week, two weeks a month, for a full time job. 2. No more drying of silverware. 3. Permission to carry eight or more centers on a tray at one time. 4. Linoleum in place of table cloths. 5. _ Less of Jake’s .and Mary’s barking and getting on. 6. To be allowed to take coffee and tea out when it is ready. 7. To have the Hobartites locked in the kitchen until each meal is finished, when they are to be released and made to clean up the tables and reset them. 8. No more soup. According to latest reports, "One Punch” Louie Miguel Blair has broken even in his fistic encounters to date. He won his first match by an impressive knockout and lost the last one by verbal decision to the "Mick” at the Armory. Nina Donovan spent Tuesday in the infirmary with a severe case of “testeritis.” She missed the weekly science test. iScoop S c o r e d By Pine In Obtaining Facts Of Case COUPLE JAILED Mysterious P h o t o g r a p h Arouses Campus Curiosity Congratulatory phrases, intermingled with whispers oi apprehension, went the rounds of the old A. S. T. C. campus early this morning when the secret marriage of Knobby Kneilsen and Jug Alt-weis was revealed to the astounded students. The congratulatory phrases were OK but the apprehensiveness was occasioned by the picture th at was forwarded with the story by Tommy Tucker, former assistant editor of the Pine, who is now employed by the California Bureau of Investigation. According to Tucker’s letter to the Pine, the picture, reprinted in this issue of the school paper, was found among the L. A. Police records which disclosed the fact that the well-known Lumberjack couple “got hitched” during the Xmas, holidays. Investigating the case further, Tucker revealed that the couple had taken the nuptial vows on December 29, in the Wee Kirk o’ the White Feather, located in Glendale. The records, which the enterprising sleuth delved through, gave no hint as to the reason for the jailing of the young newly-weds, but a follow-up letter informed the members of the Pine staff that further information would be forwarded for the next issue of th e Pine. Until that time, view the accompanying photo and draw . your own conclusions. While announcement of the m arriage. obtained by the Pine in its latest scoop, occasioned a great deal of comment, it was not entirely unsuspected by the many close friends of the couDle. Neilsen, when interviewed by a reporter concerning the marriage, made the following statement. "It’s joyful!” The former Miss Altweis could not be reached by a Pine^j staff member but was reported to be “Kneilsen in prayer.” The bridegroom has been one of Joe Chavez* outstanding janitors during his sojourn on the local campus and also won a few letters in various sports. The bride received outstanding recognition for several attem pts to introduce a Nazi bund at A. S. T. ,C. She is also secretary of the Associated Students. Blue Boy H iking Club M em bers Go To Sunset C rater The Blue Boy Hiking club trudged to Sunset C rater last Saturday, under the direction of “Cough Drop” Smith, and added many valuable miles to the year’s total. It was estimated that 30 trek-kers made the hike to the extinct volcano. Blue Boy was accredited with the greatest mileage for the day, according to Prexy Al. “Let’s see,” said Al, "30 hikers, riding 19 miles, give Blue Boy a total of 570 miles for the day and 30 students, hiking 3 miles apiece, brings the student total to 90 miles. A great organization, this club, and a credit to the school—but what the hell would we do without Blue Boy?” Marlin Ditchey and Ted Seibel spent the week-end in Needles. They bummed their way over and threaded back to the campus early Monday. A complete investigation of the case by the American Medical association followed Mr. James G. J o h n s o n ’s announcement that James Jr. had been born wearing spats. |
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