The Pine, April 6, 1937.

              SKIDS PUT ON HILL FOR ANTICS Chefllteme Published by Associated Students
Tuesday, April 6, 1937 ARIZONA STATE TEACHERS COLLEGE, FLAGSTAFF, ARIZONA Vol. XXIV—No. 25
“Unchosen Jewels” Club Is Exposed
Student Is
Victimized;
T ells All
Prof Was Confined In Home
For Wayward Girls;
Escaped
RAT GETS JOB
H o l l o w Note Sounded As
Johnson Takes Over
Vacancy
A ra th e r em b arrassing event for
all concerned occurred a t the col­lege
th is p a st week. Sincc the
Pine feels the need o f a crusade
fo r a higher stan d ard in m odern
journalism , we believe we should
publish it. On last F rid ay m orn­ing,
D r. M ary A. H ill, form er
head o f the A. S. T. C. English
d epartm ent, w ent crim inally in­sane,
and w as only prevented from
doing several acts of violence by
Miss Mabel M cK night, who, w ith
her usual presence of mind, locked
Dr. H ill in the E nglish laboratory.
D r. Hill will be succeeded by J.
G. Johnson, Ph.D., M.D., S.S.D.,
B.V.D., etc.
F u rth e r su rp rises w ere in store
fo r all of us when we learned th a t
up u ntil the tim e of h er appoint­m
ent to th is school, Doctor Hill
w as confined in a Home fo r W ay­w
ard G irls, in no rth ern N evada,
w here she had spent th e g re a te r
p a rt of her life. She had, however,
succeeded in overpow ering one of
the gu ard s by sheer m uscular force
and m ade h er escape to Arizona,
w here h er m isleading a ir of accom­plishm
ent and wisdom caused P re s­ident
Torm ey to hire her to teach
E nglish here. She had enjoyed
several years of freedom , until
suspicion w as first fe lt by Orley
P en d erg raft. P e n d e rg ra ft w as told
by Dr. Hill som e days ago to p re ­p
are a research pap er fo r E nglish
on the Subject, “Why G rapefruit
A lw ays S quirts in Y our E ye a t
B reak fast When I t Could S q uirt
A ll O ver the D ining Room In stead .”
P e n d e rg ra ft felt this subject to be
a little too difficult, and quite ir­relev
an t besides, because as every­one
knows, no one cares really
w here g ra p e fru it sq u irts. O rley
reported it to several o f hi3 asso-
„ ciates, but none of them could
th in k of a reason fo r the stran g e
assignm ent. Then it w as all ex ­plained
when Dr. H ill stood up in
English L it class on F rid ay and
declared in h er sten to rian voice
th a t she w as an A u stralian k a n ­garoo
on a sit-down strike. As
she w ent leaping about th e room,
the frightened stu d en ts fled, m eet­ing
Miss M cKnight in th e hall.
Miss M cKnight, cham pion girl-w
restler o f this school, inveigled
Dr. Hill into th e E nglish L abora­to
ry w here, with a scissors-hold,
she threw h er to th e floor and
rushed out, locking the door behind
her.D
r. Torm ey, Dr. Risselm an and
Mr. Johnson, w ith the help of sev­e
ral students and Miss M cKnight,
finally succeeded in p u ttin g a sack
over D r. H ill’s head, and the day
was saved. Dr. Hill has been sent
back to the N evada Home fo r
W ayw ard Girls, w here, It is hoped,
she will lead a pleasant, whole­some
life.
J . G. Johnson, fo rm er teach er of
journalism and freshm an E nglish,
will be h er successor. Mr. Johnson
has captured the h e a rts of all who
w ork w ith him , and is affection­ately
called “T he R a t” by his lov­ing
stu d en ts. Upon receiving th e
appointm ent, he w as presented
w ith a fru it show er by th e home
economics g irls, and th e Chain
G ang presented him w ith a m am ­m
oth flower horseshoe, seven feet
in heigKt, m ade up of lilies of th e
valley, w hich a re so like Mr. Jo h n ­son
in sp irit th a t he has been
(C ontinued on Page P o u r)
CALL END TO
TESTS; JOBS
MADE EASY
G r a d e s Called Unfair To
Students; Move Ends
Polishing
The students of Arizona S tate
T eachcrs college wandered aim-
Jessly about the cam pus with ex­pressions
of sadness and n ear des­pair.
The faculty, a fte r a three
hour debate on the subject em erged
from th eir conference this a fte r­noon
w ith the decision th a t no
more tests would be given by them
in this college.
At approxim ately the sam e time,
s notice was issued by the em ploy­m
ent d ep artm ent and signed by Dr»
W allace th a t jobs on the cam pus
would not be dependent on th e "sys­tem
of honor points determ ined by
the stu d en t’s g rades as has been
th eir policy in the past. D r. W al­lace,
when interview ed, declared
his decision reg ard in g the student
em ploym ent was not influenced o r
determ ined by the facu lty dec:sion
to elim inate te sts as a yardstick
fo r student grades.
“ I feel,” continued Dr. Wallace,
“th a t grades a re an u n fa ir d eter­m
ination of stu d e n t’s w orth.” Dr.
W allace m ade it plain th a t the em ­ploym
ent office, expected higher
scholastic stan d ard s would be
achieved by the stu d en ts if they
w ere not required to spend so
much tim e apple-polishing. F ac­ulty
m em bers, when interviewed
about -their move to abolish tests,
also indicated th a t they expected
higher scholastic ach ievem ent The
psychological effect of te sts on
stu d en ts was such th a t it is im ­possible
to determ ine a tru e value
of the stu d en t’s know ledge of the
subject. An effo rt will be m ade to
su p p lan t tests w ith class discus­sion
upon which grades w ill be
determ ined. The stu d e n t’s p a rtic i­pation
in class activities will more
conclusively prove his knowledge
o f the subject.
T ests have been recognized as
d etrim ental to the progress of tru e
knowledge and the individual s tu ­d
en t’s 'h e a lth . The burning of th e
m idnight oil in m em orization of
the subject m a tte r covered by the
scheduled te sts has done nothing
b u t p ro stitu te the quest of know­ledge.
Both system s of the em ploym ent
d epartm ent and the progressive
policy em barked on by the faculty
will go into effect im m ediately.
L o v e t t L o v e I s
Re v e a l e d In Nite
By Daring Escapade
The latest rom antic hot spot hit
a new high last nig h t w hen Jim m ie
“T arzan ” L ovett executed a daring
cul de sac and stole his am orous
love-m ate, Pauline Sandholt, from
the balcony on the second floor of
C ampbell hall, and o ff to some hid-1
den rendezvous.
The sta rtlin g feat, accomplished
in the h our th a t the moon was
hanging low over the cowshed,
brought the college out in an up­ro
ar when a loud voice w as heard
calling for “D illinks” to tu rn loose.
R ushing out into the roadw ay, the
am azed and sleepy stu dents w ere
fu rth e r astounded to discover T a r­zan
bw inging from a grapevine on
th e balcony and calling fo r P au l­ine
to tu rn loose of th e flagpole,
as he had her securely by the ankle.
E ventually he persuaded h er to
loosen her fra n tic g rasp, w ith
which she fell lim ply atfross his
shoulder and he sp ra n g to th e
ground and was aw ay, eluding the
night w atchm an by slipping into
a crack. Bloodhounds w ere quick­ly
rushed from the tra in in g school,
but T arzan escaped into th e night
w ith his lady love.
A t b re a k fa st th is m orning he
consumed 14 g ra p e fru it.
ANNOUNCEMENT
T here w ill be a m eeting of K ap­pa
D elta Pi, national educational
fra te rn ity in Room 8 of the L ibrary
b uilding a t 4:30 T h u rsday a fte r-
^ G etting in shape for an appearance on a national broadcast is
Dr. Eldon A. A rdrey. The professor of music is d em onstrating to
his listeners the ease with which one can broadcast w ith • chew
of tobacco in his m outh. Ardrey does all of his work in bed. " I t’s
so much easier th is w ay,” he stated .
Protest Made To
Odors; Too Close
To Home; Claim
Phew! Irate G i r l s C h a n t
Protest As Watchman
Objects
The following inform al com­p
laint reg ard in g repugnant odors
issuing from the science building
was received by Dr. H ablutzel,
science in structor, from a very
popular coed on the local cam pus.
Dr. H ablutzel
A rizona S ta te T eachers College
F la g sta ff, Arizona
D ear Sir:
My room in the women’s d o r­m
itory is in the very n e a r vicinity-of
the new Science building, and
m y siste r and I a re often annoyed
by su ffo catin g "phew s” which
seem to o riginate in th e sam e
building.
Only last nig h t 1 w as aw akened
by m y aforesaid sister, Vivian. She
seemed to be having som e so rt of
fit and w as m u m u rin ^ to herself,
“phew, phew, phew.” A t first I
w as a t a loss as to th e reason fo r
h er stra n g e actions, but soon I,
m yself, was attacked w ith the
“phew -itis” and took up the stran g e
chant, "phew, phew, phew.” You
can’t im agine my em barrassm ent
when I w as in terru p ted by th e
flash of the n ight w atchm an's light
and inform ed th a t a continuation
of such queer conduct would ne­cessitate
a v isit to Dean Lintz.
I m ight su ggest as a rem edy fo r
this difficulty, the exterm ination
of the mad chem ists who ex p eri­m
ent into the wee sm all hours of
the m orning, thus hindering the
sound slum ber of norm al m em bers
of the student body.
Youi utm ost consideration in re ­gard
to th is m a tte r will be ap p re ­ciated.
(Signed)
MEMBER O F TH E PH EW
FAM ILY
E m m a Jo
A H E L PIN G HAND
“ I’ve been try in g to think of a
word fo r two w eeks.”
“ How about fo rtn ig h t? ”
Editor Makes Good
Sid Knudsrn, Pine Editor de
luxe, at the tender age of 12, just
before he entered A. S. T. C. He
will graduate this year— maybe.
Congratulations, shadoni.
Songsters Scram
South Soothing
S illy S tudents
S'tudents on th e A. S. T. C. cam ­pus
broke out in a wild d em onstra­tion
of "hilarity and joy following
an announcem ent by the music de­p
artm en t th a t Dr. Eldon A rdrey
would leave T uesday m orning for
Phoenix w ith his L um berjack song
birds.
The local college has been en­d
eavoring for a num ber o f years
to squelch th e din created by the
Dr. A rdrey troupe. Mumps germ s
w ere injected into D r. A rdrey a
sh o rt tim e ago in th e hopes th a t
by the tim e he ha I recovered from
the ravages o f th is disease, his so-called
“A C appella choir” would be
a th in g of th e past. Such w as not
the case, however, a s Dr. A rdrey
h as a well organized un it of de­struction.
T rained individuals con­tinued
the w ork of th e ir fallen
leader.
A rdrey’s g uests w ent so f a r as
to invade the - Grand Canyon of
the Colorado w here entrenched in
this n a tu ra l stronghold they seiz­ed
the radio equipm ent o f the
N ational B roadcasting com pany
and proceeded to terro rize the peo­ple
of the U nited S ta te s a t an e a r­ly
h our o f the m orning. I t has
been reported the affect of th is
organization w as felt not only in
the U nited S ta te s but extended to
d ista n t p a rts of the globe. A Chi­nese
coolie p atiently plowing his
fields of rice heard th e local choir
on his A m erican m ade radio and
im m ediately lost his mind. Before
it w as possible to bring him under
control, he had slaughtered his
sm all herd o f seven c a ttle and his
m other-in-law .
A R ussian m echanic, on hearing
th$ A rdrey cohorts w ent te a rin g
through th e stre e ts o f Moscow
shouting: “L ong Live H itler.”
Spanish revolutionists, spending
a quiet E a ste r on th e outsk irts of
Madrid, heard the local choir and
th o u g h t a bom bardm ent had been
s ta rte d by the L oyalist defenders
o f th e S panish capitol.
Revolts w ere reported in India,
J a p a n and Chile. E ngland was
rendered unconscious, but is ex­pected
to recover in a fo rtn ig h t.
Texa ns Hold Ideas
Of Lone Star State
George F erguson became an u p ­standing
an d loyal Lum berjack
when he reg istered a t th e local
college last M arch 16.
George w as paroled here a fte r
serving tim e (in a Duncan CCC
cam p), but o riginated in Texas,
and is a real lover of the Lone
S ta r sta te . He bases all of his
lectures, so called personal ex p e r­iences,
on and around th e little
town of P o rt Isabella w here he
w as bom and “raised.”
Since h is arriv ed here, “H an k "
Young, an o th er Tehanner, has dis­claim
ed T exas as his home sta te ,
and would like to m eet "G abby” on
th e field of honor w ith no nolds
barred.
Campus Old Maids’ Club
Prospering; Membership
Is Increasing Rapidly
In novation s In
Library Lauded
By Amazed Users
N e w Policy Is Started By
Librarian Who Sees
New Uses
Students en terin g th e lib ra ry
y esterday m orning to m eet th eir
g irl friends were surprised to find
th a t a largo space had been p a in t­ed
w ith black and w hite squares
Just in front of the counter. Not
only th a t but hopscotch sq u ares in
the n o rth p a rt of th e lib rary and
a shuffleboard gam e laid out in
the southern p a rt elicited a g re a t
deal of comment.
When Miss Moore appeared she
sm iled sw eetly and explained th a t
due to the fact th a t no one w as
using the lib rary for the usual p u r­poses
she w as w illing to cooperate
and m ake some use of the space
a fte r all. She told of h er plans to
p u t open fireplaces along th e east
wall to allow groups to g a th e r fo r
picnics as the tables would be ju st
grand to eat o ff of. A nt hills will
be scattered around in the m ost
convenient spots and cages of m os­quitos
would be loosed occasionally
to m ake it all seem real. There
will also be a fire hose so placed
th a t the w atejTw ill run down th e
sta irs and (jiv e -th e effect of a
nearby bubbling brook. One g re a t
th in g about these a rran g em en ts is
th a t it will allow lovers to enjoy
the out-of-doors indoors when the
w eath er is bad.
In order to c a n y o u t the idea
of u sing the space in G am m age Li­b
ra ry fo r som ething, Mr. R. R.
Pow ers is also cooperating and
m akes th e follow ing statem en t:
“E v er since I have been knee-high
to a b ottle o f Nehi I have w anted
to sell hot dogs. Now is m y
chance. We a re throw ing out all
the records, files and so fo rth th a t
have littered this place fo r years
and are rep lacin g them w ith hot
dogs of the finest pedigree. I sure
hope^you w ill buy m y nice hot-
°B ulie Jenson sta te d to a Pine
re p o rte r th a t she intended going
into business also b ut th a t she
w as afraid she lacked ability. But
Dean Bellwood say s: “Ju lie is a
good g irl and in sp ite o f the crude­ness
o f hot dog stan d s (o f all
thipgs?) we intend to change h er
m undane (w h atev er th a t m eans)
office into a b eautiful, gleam ing
chrom ium and gold trim cocktail
lounge."
D ean M innie h e a rtily approves
th e whole p roject as a m eans of
encouraging rom ance on our fa ir
cam pus.
McGuire Visits For
E x t r a Dessert, Is
Gue s t Of Tormey
A fte r a delicious m eal in th e
college dining hall yesterd ay noon
Miss M arion McGuire so enjoyed
h e r lovely d e sse rt a t Jello and
bananas she tried to g et John
W hite to loosen up and give h e r
a second dish. In sp ite o f th e use
o f a p in t o f w hiskey he got tig h t
instead, so she sta rte d to leave
th e dining hall in g re a t dejection.
N oting several e x tra desserts a t
Doe T e n n e y 's table she pulled h er
spoon out o f h er hair, wiped it o ff
on h er s k irt and s a t down to en ­jo
y herself. W hen questioned
about th e episode Miss McGuire
sta te d :
**I had a d a rlin g tim e. D octor
Torm ey sta rte d th e conversation
in his own q u ain t w ay b y asking,
*Who in hell do ya th ink y a a re—
anyhow* T”
Reporter Makes An Alarming
Tjiscovery; Women Plarjr
"Anti-Men Drive^""^
s t a t e Tchoices
Secret Yens Of Members Told:
Some Have Plans For
Future
Once again the Pine has scooped
th e w orld; and, as alw ays, this
pap er has refused all bribes and
“hush m oney” fro m indigent cu l­p
rits who would “buy o ff the
new shounds.” T u rn in g a deaf e ar
to all solicitous cries, the Pine
feels duty-bound to b roadcast to
th e four w inds of destiny the ta le
of an A. S. T. C. “Old M aid's club.”
It is not g enerally known, but
th ere does ex ist on th is p re tty
cam pus an organized club o f old
maids. T hey call them selves “The
Unchosen Jew els.” It took a con­niving
re p o rte r (a typical Pine re ­p
o rte r) to “g e t th e low dow n” on
this clan of wall flowers, but the
resu ltin g evidence w as w orth the
effo rt.
A fte r a m onth o f eavesdropping,
a P in e ‘‘re p o rte r found th e follow ­ing
significant facts. M embers of
the Unchosen Jew els include: Dean
Lintz, Miss Maxwell, M iss Sw een­ey,
Lady B, Mrs. Crose, Miss Dock-stad
er, Miss Moore, Miss .Chappell
and Miss McNeil—th e afore-m en­tioned
being m em bers o f th e first-form
er chapter. This list should
include Miss Klonda Lynn—a c h a r­te
r (oak) m em ber who, a t th e tim e,
has gone w ith the wind to Louisi­ana.
The second form ed ch ap ter
of th is club, who call them selves
the Potlickers—a re resid en ts o f th e
K inlani ap artm en ts. T hey include
th e follow ing m em bers: Miss K ie­fer,
Miss Allen, Miss D insm ore,
Miss R oseberry, M iss B eatrice
Boyer. Miss M ary B oyer (recently
m oved), and Miss Case.
The qualifications for m em ber­ship
in th is club a re not definite.
R eporters have only a few candid
(C ontinued on Page F o u r)
Concentration
tion, Campus Kassle assumes this
angle for coaeentrmtioa. “I think
better with my foot in it,“ Campus
stated when interviewed. “I have
tried other spots and portions,
but I like this one best o f all,” he