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SKIDS PUT ON HILL FOR ANTICS Chefllteme Published by Associated Students Tuesday, April 6, 1937 ARIZONA STATE TEACHERS COLLEGE, FLAGSTAFF, ARIZONA Vol. XXIV—No. 25 “Unchosen Jewels” Club Is Exposed Student Is Victimized; T ells All Prof Was Confined In Home For Wayward Girls; Escaped RAT GETS JOB H o l l o w Note Sounded As Johnson Takes Over Vacancy A ra th e r em b arrassing event for all concerned occurred a t the college th is p a st week. Sincc the Pine feels the need o f a crusade fo r a higher stan d ard in m odern journalism , we believe we should publish it. On last F rid ay m orning, D r. M ary A. H ill, form er head o f the A. S. T. C. English d epartm ent, w ent crim inally insane, and w as only prevented from doing several acts of violence by Miss Mabel M cK night, who, w ith her usual presence of mind, locked Dr. H ill in the E nglish laboratory. D r. Hill will be succeeded by J. G. Johnson, Ph.D., M.D., S.S.D., B.V.D., etc. F u rth e r su rp rises w ere in store fo r all of us when we learned th a t up u ntil the tim e of h er appointm ent to th is school, Doctor Hill w as confined in a Home fo r W ayw ard G irls, in no rth ern N evada, w here she had spent th e g re a te r p a rt of her life. She had, however, succeeded in overpow ering one of the gu ard s by sheer m uscular force and m ade h er escape to Arizona, w here h er m isleading a ir of accomplishm ent and wisdom caused P re sident Torm ey to hire her to teach E nglish here. She had enjoyed several years of freedom , until suspicion w as first fe lt by Orley P en d erg raft. P e n d e rg ra ft w as told by Dr. Hill som e days ago to p re p are a research pap er fo r E nglish on the Subject, “Why G rapefruit A lw ays S quirts in Y our E ye a t B reak fast When I t Could S q uirt A ll O ver the D ining Room In stead .” P e n d e rg ra ft felt this subject to be a little too difficult, and quite irrelev an t besides, because as everyone knows, no one cares really w here g ra p e fru it sq u irts. O rley reported it to several o f hi3 asso- „ ciates, but none of them could th in k of a reason fo r the stran g e assignm ent. Then it w as all ex plained when Dr. H ill stood up in English L it class on F rid ay and declared in h er sten to rian voice th a t she w as an A u stralian k a n garoo on a sit-down strike. As she w ent leaping about th e room, the frightened stu d en ts fled, m eeting Miss M cKnight in th e hall. Miss M cKnight, cham pion girl-w restler o f this school, inveigled Dr. Hill into th e E nglish L aborato ry w here, with a scissors-hold, she threw h er to th e floor and rushed out, locking the door behind her.D r. Torm ey, Dr. Risselm an and Mr. Johnson, w ith the help of seve ral students and Miss M cKnight, finally succeeded in p u ttin g a sack over D r. H ill’s head, and the day was saved. Dr. Hill has been sent back to the N evada Home fo r W ayw ard Girls, w here, It is hoped, she will lead a pleasant, wholesome life. J . G. Johnson, fo rm er teach er of journalism and freshm an E nglish, will be h er successor. Mr. Johnson has captured the h e a rts of all who w ork w ith him , and is affectionately called “T he R a t” by his loving stu d en ts. Upon receiving th e appointm ent, he w as presented w ith a fru it show er by th e home economics g irls, and th e Chain G ang presented him w ith a m am m oth flower horseshoe, seven feet in heigKt, m ade up of lilies of th e valley, w hich a re so like Mr. Jo h n son in sp irit th a t he has been (C ontinued on Page P o u r) CALL END TO TESTS; JOBS MADE EASY G r a d e s Called Unfair To Students; Move Ends Polishing The students of Arizona S tate T eachcrs college wandered aim- Jessly about the cam pus with expressions of sadness and n ear despair. The faculty, a fte r a three hour debate on the subject em erged from th eir conference this a fte rnoon w ith the decision th a t no more tests would be given by them in this college. At approxim ately the sam e time, s notice was issued by the em ploym ent d ep artm ent and signed by Dr» W allace th a t jobs on the cam pus would not be dependent on th e "system of honor points determ ined by the stu d en t’s g rades as has been th eir policy in the past. D r. W allace, when interview ed, declared his decision reg ard in g the student em ploym ent was not influenced o r determ ined by the facu lty dec:sion to elim inate te sts as a yardstick fo r student grades. “ I feel,” continued Dr. Wallace, “th a t grades a re an u n fa ir d eterm ination of stu d e n t’s w orth.” Dr. W allace m ade it plain th a t the em ploym ent office, expected higher scholastic stan d ard s would be achieved by the stu d en ts if they w ere not required to spend so much tim e apple-polishing. F aculty m em bers, when interviewed about -their move to abolish tests, also indicated th a t they expected higher scholastic ach ievem ent The psychological effect of te sts on stu d en ts was such th a t it is im possible to determ ine a tru e value of the stu d en t’s know ledge of the subject. An effo rt will be m ade to su p p lan t tests w ith class discussion upon which grades w ill be determ ined. The stu d e n t’s p a rtic ipation in class activities will more conclusively prove his knowledge o f the subject. T ests have been recognized as d etrim ental to the progress of tru e knowledge and the individual s tu d en t’s 'h e a lth . The burning of th e m idnight oil in m em orization of the subject m a tte r covered by the scheduled te sts has done nothing b u t p ro stitu te the quest of knowledge. Both system s of the em ploym ent d epartm ent and the progressive policy em barked on by the faculty will go into effect im m ediately. L o v e t t L o v e I s Re v e a l e d In Nite By Daring Escapade The latest rom antic hot spot hit a new high last nig h t w hen Jim m ie “T arzan ” L ovett executed a daring cul de sac and stole his am orous love-m ate, Pauline Sandholt, from the balcony on the second floor of C ampbell hall, and o ff to some hid-1 den rendezvous. The sta rtlin g feat, accomplished in the h our th a t the moon was hanging low over the cowshed, brought the college out in an upro ar when a loud voice w as heard calling for “D illinks” to tu rn loose. R ushing out into the roadw ay, the am azed and sleepy stu dents w ere fu rth e r astounded to discover T a rzan bw inging from a grapevine on th e balcony and calling fo r P au line to tu rn loose of th e flagpole, as he had her securely by the ankle. E ventually he persuaded h er to loosen her fra n tic g rasp, w ith which she fell lim ply atfross his shoulder and he sp ra n g to th e ground and was aw ay, eluding the night w atchm an by slipping into a crack. Bloodhounds w ere quickly rushed from the tra in in g school, but T arzan escaped into th e night w ith his lady love. A t b re a k fa st th is m orning he consumed 14 g ra p e fru it. ANNOUNCEMENT T here w ill be a m eeting of K appa D elta Pi, national educational fra te rn ity in Room 8 of the L ibrary b uilding a t 4:30 T h u rsday a fte r- ^ G etting in shape for an appearance on a national broadcast is Dr. Eldon A. A rdrey. The professor of music is d em onstrating to his listeners the ease with which one can broadcast w ith • chew of tobacco in his m outh. Ardrey does all of his work in bed. " I t’s so much easier th is w ay,” he stated . Protest Made To Odors; Too Close To Home; Claim Phew! Irate G i r l s C h a n t Protest As Watchman Objects The following inform al comp laint reg ard in g repugnant odors issuing from the science building was received by Dr. H ablutzel, science in structor, from a very popular coed on the local cam pus. Dr. H ablutzel A rizona S ta te T eachers College F la g sta ff, Arizona D ear Sir: My room in the women’s d o rm itory is in the very n e a r vicinity-of the new Science building, and m y siste r and I a re often annoyed by su ffo catin g "phew s” which seem to o riginate in th e sam e building. Only last nig h t 1 w as aw akened by m y aforesaid sister, Vivian. She seemed to be having som e so rt of fit and w as m u m u rin ^ to herself, “phew, phew, phew.” A t first I w as a t a loss as to th e reason fo r h er stra n g e actions, but soon I, m yself, was attacked w ith the “phew -itis” and took up the stran g e chant, "phew, phew, phew.” You can’t im agine my em barrassm ent when I w as in terru p ted by th e flash of the n ight w atchm an's light and inform ed th a t a continuation of such queer conduct would necessitate a v isit to Dean Lintz. I m ight su ggest as a rem edy fo r this difficulty, the exterm ination of the mad chem ists who ex p erim ent into the wee sm all hours of the m orning, thus hindering the sound slum ber of norm al m em bers of the student body. Youi utm ost consideration in re gard to th is m a tte r will be ap p re ciated. (Signed) MEMBER O F TH E PH EW FAM ILY E m m a Jo A H E L PIN G HAND “ I’ve been try in g to think of a word fo r two w eeks.” “ How about fo rtn ig h t? ” Editor Makes Good Sid Knudsrn, Pine Editor de luxe, at the tender age of 12, just before he entered A. S. T. C. He will graduate this year— maybe. Congratulations, shadoni. Songsters Scram South Soothing S illy S tudents S'tudents on th e A. S. T. C. cam pus broke out in a wild d em onstration of "hilarity and joy following an announcem ent by the music dep artm en t th a t Dr. Eldon A rdrey would leave T uesday m orning for Phoenix w ith his L um berjack song birds. The local college has been end eavoring for a num ber o f years to squelch th e din created by the Dr. A rdrey troupe. Mumps germ s w ere injected into D r. A rdrey a sh o rt tim e ago in th e hopes th a t by the tim e he ha I recovered from the ravages o f th is disease, his so-called “A C appella choir” would be a th in g of th e past. Such w as not the case, however, a s Dr. A rdrey h as a well organized un it of destruction. T rained individuals continued the w ork of th e ir fallen leader. A rdrey’s g uests w ent so f a r as to invade the - Grand Canyon of the Colorado w here entrenched in this n a tu ra l stronghold they seized the radio equipm ent o f the N ational B roadcasting com pany and proceeded to terro rize the people of the U nited S ta te s a t an e a rly h our o f the m orning. I t has been reported the affect of th is organization w as felt not only in the U nited S ta te s but extended to d ista n t p a rts of the globe. A Chinese coolie p atiently plowing his fields of rice heard th e local choir on his A m erican m ade radio and im m ediately lost his mind. Before it w as possible to bring him under control, he had slaughtered his sm all herd o f seven c a ttle and his m other-in-law . A R ussian m echanic, on hearing th$ A rdrey cohorts w ent te a rin g through th e stre e ts o f Moscow shouting: “L ong Live H itler.” Spanish revolutionists, spending a quiet E a ste r on th e outsk irts of Madrid, heard the local choir and th o u g h t a bom bardm ent had been s ta rte d by the L oyalist defenders o f th e S panish capitol. Revolts w ere reported in India, J a p a n and Chile. E ngland was rendered unconscious, but is expected to recover in a fo rtn ig h t. Texa ns Hold Ideas Of Lone Star State George F erguson became an u p standing an d loyal Lum berjack when he reg istered a t th e local college last M arch 16. George w as paroled here a fte r serving tim e (in a Duncan CCC cam p), but o riginated in Texas, and is a real lover of the Lone S ta r sta te . He bases all of his lectures, so called personal ex p e riences, on and around th e little town of P o rt Isabella w here he w as bom and “raised.” Since h is arriv ed here, “H an k " Young, an o th er Tehanner, has disclaim ed T exas as his home sta te , and would like to m eet "G abby” on th e field of honor w ith no nolds barred. Campus Old Maids’ Club Prospering; Membership Is Increasing Rapidly In novation s In Library Lauded By Amazed Users N e w Policy Is Started By Librarian Who Sees New Uses Students en terin g th e lib ra ry y esterday m orning to m eet th eir g irl friends were surprised to find th a t a largo space had been p a in ted w ith black and w hite squares Just in front of the counter. Not only th a t but hopscotch sq u ares in the n o rth p a rt of th e lib rary and a shuffleboard gam e laid out in the southern p a rt elicited a g re a t deal of comment. When Miss Moore appeared she sm iled sw eetly and explained th a t due to the fact th a t no one w as using the lib rary for the usual p u rposes she w as w illing to cooperate and m ake some use of the space a fte r all. She told of h er plans to p u t open fireplaces along th e east wall to allow groups to g a th e r fo r picnics as the tables would be ju st grand to eat o ff of. A nt hills will be scattered around in the m ost convenient spots and cages of m osquitos would be loosed occasionally to m ake it all seem real. There will also be a fire hose so placed th a t the w atejTw ill run down th e sta irs and (jiv e -th e effect of a nearby bubbling brook. One g re a t th in g about these a rran g em en ts is th a t it will allow lovers to enjoy the out-of-doors indoors when the w eath er is bad. In order to c a n y o u t the idea of u sing the space in G am m age Lib ra ry fo r som ething, Mr. R. R. Pow ers is also cooperating and m akes th e follow ing statem en t: “E v er since I have been knee-high to a b ottle o f Nehi I have w anted to sell hot dogs. Now is m y chance. We a re throw ing out all the records, files and so fo rth th a t have littered this place fo r years and are rep lacin g them w ith hot dogs of the finest pedigree. I sure hope^you w ill buy m y nice hot- °B ulie Jenson sta te d to a Pine re p o rte r th a t she intended going into business also b ut th a t she w as afraid she lacked ability. But Dean Bellwood say s: “Ju lie is a good g irl and in sp ite o f the crudeness o f hot dog stan d s (o f all thipgs?) we intend to change h er m undane (w h atev er th a t m eans) office into a b eautiful, gleam ing chrom ium and gold trim cocktail lounge." D ean M innie h e a rtily approves th e whole p roject as a m eans of encouraging rom ance on our fa ir cam pus. McGuire Visits For E x t r a Dessert, Is Gue s t Of Tormey A fte r a delicious m eal in th e college dining hall yesterd ay noon Miss M arion McGuire so enjoyed h e r lovely d e sse rt a t Jello and bananas she tried to g et John W hite to loosen up and give h e r a second dish. In sp ite o f th e use o f a p in t o f w hiskey he got tig h t instead, so she sta rte d to leave th e dining hall in g re a t dejection. N oting several e x tra desserts a t Doe T e n n e y 's table she pulled h er spoon out o f h er hair, wiped it o ff on h er s k irt and s a t down to en jo y herself. W hen questioned about th e episode Miss McGuire sta te d : **I had a d a rlin g tim e. D octor Torm ey sta rte d th e conversation in his own q u ain t w ay b y asking, *Who in hell do ya th ink y a a re— anyhow* T” Reporter Makes An Alarming Tjiscovery; Women Plarjr "Anti-Men Drive^""^ s t a t e Tchoices Secret Yens Of Members Told: Some Have Plans For Future Once again the Pine has scooped th e w orld; and, as alw ays, this pap er has refused all bribes and “hush m oney” fro m indigent cu lp rits who would “buy o ff the new shounds.” T u rn in g a deaf e ar to all solicitous cries, the Pine feels duty-bound to b roadcast to th e four w inds of destiny the ta le of an A. S. T. C. “Old M aid's club.” It is not g enerally known, but th ere does ex ist on th is p re tty cam pus an organized club o f old maids. T hey call them selves “The Unchosen Jew els.” It took a conniving re p o rte r (a typical Pine re p o rte r) to “g e t th e low dow n” on this clan of wall flowers, but the resu ltin g evidence w as w orth the effo rt. A fte r a m onth o f eavesdropping, a P in e ‘‘re p o rte r found th e follow ing significant facts. M embers of the Unchosen Jew els include: Dean Lintz, Miss Maxwell, M iss Sw eeney, Lady B, Mrs. Crose, Miss Dock-stad er, Miss Moore, Miss .Chappell and Miss McNeil—th e afore-m entioned being m em bers o f th e first-form er chapter. This list should include Miss Klonda Lynn—a c h a rte r (oak) m em ber who, a t th e tim e, has gone w ith the wind to Louisiana. The second form ed ch ap ter of th is club, who call them selves the Potlickers—a re resid en ts o f th e K inlani ap artm en ts. T hey include th e follow ing m em bers: Miss K iefer, Miss Allen, Miss D insm ore, Miss R oseberry, M iss B eatrice Boyer. Miss M ary B oyer (recently m oved), and Miss Case. The qualifications for m em bership in th is club a re not definite. R eporters have only a few candid (C ontinued on Page F o u r) Concentration tion, Campus Kassle assumes this angle for coaeentrmtioa. “I think better with my foot in it,“ Campus stated when interviewed. “I have tried other spots and portions, but I like this one best o f all,” he
Object Description
Rating | |
Item number | 1937_04_06 |
Creator | Northern Arizona University. Associated Students. |
Title | The Pine, April 6, 1937. |
LCCN | sn94050595 |
Volume | 024 |
Issue | 25 |
Date | 1937-04-06 |
Type | Text |
Physical format | Newspaper |
Collection name | Northern Arizona University: The Pine |
Language | English |
Repository | Northern Arizona University. Cline Library |
Rights | Digital surrogates are the property of the repository. Reproduction requires permission. |
County | Coconino |
Subjects | Northern Arizona University--Students--Newspapers |
Places | Flagstaff (Ariz.)--Newspapers |
Master file name | 1937_04_06.pdf |
Master file creation date | 2014-03-28 |
Master file size | 8623612 |
Master mimetype | application/pdf |
Master file format | |
Software | Abobe PDF Version 1.4 |
Description
Title | Page 1 |
Oral history transcripts | SKIDS PUT ON HILL FOR ANTICS Chefllteme Published by Associated Students Tuesday, April 6, 1937 ARIZONA STATE TEACHERS COLLEGE, FLAGSTAFF, ARIZONA Vol. XXIV—No. 25 “Unchosen Jewels” Club Is Exposed Student Is Victimized; T ells All Prof Was Confined In Home For Wayward Girls; Escaped RAT GETS JOB H o l l o w Note Sounded As Johnson Takes Over Vacancy A ra th e r em b arrassing event for all concerned occurred a t the college th is p a st week. Sincc the Pine feels the need o f a crusade fo r a higher stan d ard in m odern journalism , we believe we should publish it. On last F rid ay m orning, D r. M ary A. H ill, form er head o f the A. S. T. C. English d epartm ent, w ent crim inally insane, and w as only prevented from doing several acts of violence by Miss Mabel M cK night, who, w ith her usual presence of mind, locked Dr. H ill in the E nglish laboratory. D r. Hill will be succeeded by J. G. Johnson, Ph.D., M.D., S.S.D., B.V.D., etc. F u rth e r su rp rises w ere in store fo r all of us when we learned th a t up u ntil the tim e of h er appointm ent to th is school, Doctor Hill w as confined in a Home fo r W ayw ard G irls, in no rth ern N evada, w here she had spent th e g re a te r p a rt of her life. She had, however, succeeded in overpow ering one of the gu ard s by sheer m uscular force and m ade h er escape to Arizona, w here h er m isleading a ir of accomplishm ent and wisdom caused P re sident Torm ey to hire her to teach E nglish here. She had enjoyed several years of freedom , until suspicion w as first fe lt by Orley P en d erg raft. P e n d e rg ra ft w as told by Dr. Hill som e days ago to p re p are a research pap er fo r E nglish on the Subject, “Why G rapefruit A lw ays S quirts in Y our E ye a t B reak fast When I t Could S q uirt A ll O ver the D ining Room In stead .” P e n d e rg ra ft felt this subject to be a little too difficult, and quite irrelev an t besides, because as everyone knows, no one cares really w here g ra p e fru it sq u irts. O rley reported it to several o f hi3 asso- „ ciates, but none of them could th in k of a reason fo r the stran g e assignm ent. Then it w as all ex plained when Dr. H ill stood up in English L it class on F rid ay and declared in h er sten to rian voice th a t she w as an A u stralian k a n garoo on a sit-down strike. As she w ent leaping about th e room, the frightened stu d en ts fled, m eeting Miss M cKnight in th e hall. Miss M cKnight, cham pion girl-w restler o f this school, inveigled Dr. Hill into th e E nglish L aborato ry w here, with a scissors-hold, she threw h er to th e floor and rushed out, locking the door behind her.D r. Torm ey, Dr. Risselm an and Mr. Johnson, w ith the help of seve ral students and Miss M cKnight, finally succeeded in p u ttin g a sack over D r. H ill’s head, and the day was saved. Dr. Hill has been sent back to the N evada Home fo r W ayw ard Girls, w here, It is hoped, she will lead a pleasant, wholesome life. J . G. Johnson, fo rm er teach er of journalism and freshm an E nglish, will be h er successor. Mr. Johnson has captured the h e a rts of all who w ork w ith him , and is affectionately called “T he R a t” by his loving stu d en ts. Upon receiving th e appointm ent, he w as presented w ith a fru it show er by th e home economics g irls, and th e Chain G ang presented him w ith a m am m oth flower horseshoe, seven feet in heigKt, m ade up of lilies of th e valley, w hich a re so like Mr. Jo h n son in sp irit th a t he has been (C ontinued on Page P o u r) CALL END TO TESTS; JOBS MADE EASY G r a d e s Called Unfair To Students; Move Ends Polishing The students of Arizona S tate T eachcrs college wandered aim- Jessly about the cam pus with expressions of sadness and n ear despair. The faculty, a fte r a three hour debate on the subject em erged from th eir conference this a fte rnoon w ith the decision th a t no more tests would be given by them in this college. At approxim ately the sam e time, s notice was issued by the em ploym ent d ep artm ent and signed by Dr» W allace th a t jobs on the cam pus would not be dependent on th e "system of honor points determ ined by the stu d en t’s g rades as has been th eir policy in the past. D r. W allace, when interview ed, declared his decision reg ard in g the student em ploym ent was not influenced o r determ ined by the facu lty dec:sion to elim inate te sts as a yardstick fo r student grades. “ I feel,” continued Dr. Wallace, “th a t grades a re an u n fa ir d eterm ination of stu d e n t’s w orth.” Dr. W allace m ade it plain th a t the em ploym ent office, expected higher scholastic stan d ard s would be achieved by the stu d en ts if they w ere not required to spend so much tim e apple-polishing. F aculty m em bers, when interviewed about -their move to abolish tests, also indicated th a t they expected higher scholastic ach ievem ent The psychological effect of te sts on stu d en ts was such th a t it is im possible to determ ine a tru e value of the stu d en t’s know ledge of the subject. An effo rt will be m ade to su p p lan t tests w ith class discussion upon which grades w ill be determ ined. The stu d e n t’s p a rtic ipation in class activities will more conclusively prove his knowledge o f the subject. T ests have been recognized as d etrim ental to the progress of tru e knowledge and the individual s tu d en t’s 'h e a lth . The burning of th e m idnight oil in m em orization of the subject m a tte r covered by the scheduled te sts has done nothing b u t p ro stitu te the quest of knowledge. Both system s of the em ploym ent d epartm ent and the progressive policy em barked on by the faculty will go into effect im m ediately. L o v e t t L o v e I s Re v e a l e d In Nite By Daring Escapade The latest rom antic hot spot hit a new high last nig h t w hen Jim m ie “T arzan ” L ovett executed a daring cul de sac and stole his am orous love-m ate, Pauline Sandholt, from the balcony on the second floor of C ampbell hall, and o ff to some hid-1 den rendezvous. The sta rtlin g feat, accomplished in the h our th a t the moon was hanging low over the cowshed, brought the college out in an upro ar when a loud voice w as heard calling for “D illinks” to tu rn loose. R ushing out into the roadw ay, the am azed and sleepy stu dents w ere fu rth e r astounded to discover T a rzan bw inging from a grapevine on th e balcony and calling fo r P au line to tu rn loose of th e flagpole, as he had her securely by the ankle. E ventually he persuaded h er to loosen her fra n tic g rasp, w ith which she fell lim ply atfross his shoulder and he sp ra n g to th e ground and was aw ay, eluding the night w atchm an by slipping into a crack. Bloodhounds w ere quickly rushed from the tra in in g school, but T arzan escaped into th e night w ith his lady love. A t b re a k fa st th is m orning he consumed 14 g ra p e fru it. ANNOUNCEMENT T here w ill be a m eeting of K appa D elta Pi, national educational fra te rn ity in Room 8 of the L ibrary b uilding a t 4:30 T h u rsday a fte r- ^ G etting in shape for an appearance on a national broadcast is Dr. Eldon A. A rdrey. The professor of music is d em onstrating to his listeners the ease with which one can broadcast w ith • chew of tobacco in his m outh. Ardrey does all of his work in bed. " I t’s so much easier th is w ay,” he stated . Protest Made To Odors; Too Close To Home; Claim Phew! Irate G i r l s C h a n t Protest As Watchman Objects The following inform al comp laint reg ard in g repugnant odors issuing from the science building was received by Dr. H ablutzel, science in structor, from a very popular coed on the local cam pus. Dr. H ablutzel A rizona S ta te T eachers College F la g sta ff, Arizona D ear Sir: My room in the women’s d o rm itory is in the very n e a r vicinity-of the new Science building, and m y siste r and I a re often annoyed by su ffo catin g "phew s” which seem to o riginate in th e sam e building. Only last nig h t 1 w as aw akened by m y aforesaid sister, Vivian. She seemed to be having som e so rt of fit and w as m u m u rin ^ to herself, “phew, phew, phew.” A t first I w as a t a loss as to th e reason fo r h er stra n g e actions, but soon I, m yself, was attacked w ith the “phew -itis” and took up the stran g e chant, "phew, phew, phew.” You can’t im agine my em barrassm ent when I w as in terru p ted by th e flash of the n ight w atchm an's light and inform ed th a t a continuation of such queer conduct would necessitate a v isit to Dean Lintz. I m ight su ggest as a rem edy fo r this difficulty, the exterm ination of the mad chem ists who ex p erim ent into the wee sm all hours of the m orning, thus hindering the sound slum ber of norm al m em bers of the student body. Youi utm ost consideration in re gard to th is m a tte r will be ap p re ciated. (Signed) MEMBER O F TH E PH EW FAM ILY E m m a Jo A H E L PIN G HAND “ I’ve been try in g to think of a word fo r two w eeks.” “ How about fo rtn ig h t? ” Editor Makes Good Sid Knudsrn, Pine Editor de luxe, at the tender age of 12, just before he entered A. S. T. C. He will graduate this year— maybe. Congratulations, shadoni. Songsters Scram South Soothing S illy S tudents S'tudents on th e A. S. T. C. cam pus broke out in a wild d em onstration of "hilarity and joy following an announcem ent by the music dep artm en t th a t Dr. Eldon A rdrey would leave T uesday m orning for Phoenix w ith his L um berjack song birds. The local college has been end eavoring for a num ber o f years to squelch th e din created by the Dr. A rdrey troupe. Mumps germ s w ere injected into D r. A rdrey a sh o rt tim e ago in th e hopes th a t by the tim e he ha I recovered from the ravages o f th is disease, his so-called “A C appella choir” would be a th in g of th e past. Such w as not the case, however, a s Dr. A rdrey h as a well organized un it of destruction. T rained individuals continued the w ork of th e ir fallen leader. A rdrey’s g uests w ent so f a r as to invade the - Grand Canyon of the Colorado w here entrenched in this n a tu ra l stronghold they seized the radio equipm ent o f the N ational B roadcasting com pany and proceeded to terro rize the people of the U nited S ta te s a t an e a rly h our o f the m orning. I t has been reported the affect of th is organization w as felt not only in the U nited S ta te s but extended to d ista n t p a rts of the globe. A Chinese coolie p atiently plowing his fields of rice heard th e local choir on his A m erican m ade radio and im m ediately lost his mind. Before it w as possible to bring him under control, he had slaughtered his sm all herd o f seven c a ttle and his m other-in-law . A R ussian m echanic, on hearing th$ A rdrey cohorts w ent te a rin g through th e stre e ts o f Moscow shouting: “L ong Live H itler.” Spanish revolutionists, spending a quiet E a ste r on th e outsk irts of Madrid, heard the local choir and th o u g h t a bom bardm ent had been s ta rte d by the L oyalist defenders o f th e S panish capitol. Revolts w ere reported in India, J a p a n and Chile. E ngland was rendered unconscious, but is expected to recover in a fo rtn ig h t. Texa ns Hold Ideas Of Lone Star State George F erguson became an u p standing an d loyal Lum berjack when he reg istered a t th e local college last M arch 16. George w as paroled here a fte r serving tim e (in a Duncan CCC cam p), but o riginated in Texas, and is a real lover of the Lone S ta r sta te . He bases all of his lectures, so called personal ex p e riences, on and around th e little town of P o rt Isabella w here he w as bom and “raised.” Since h is arriv ed here, “H an k " Young, an o th er Tehanner, has disclaim ed T exas as his home sta te , and would like to m eet "G abby” on th e field of honor w ith no nolds barred. Campus Old Maids’ Club Prospering; Membership Is Increasing Rapidly In novation s In Library Lauded By Amazed Users N e w Policy Is Started By Librarian Who Sees New Uses Students en terin g th e lib ra ry y esterday m orning to m eet th eir g irl friends were surprised to find th a t a largo space had been p a in ted w ith black and w hite squares Just in front of the counter. Not only th a t but hopscotch sq u ares in the n o rth p a rt of th e lib rary and a shuffleboard gam e laid out in the southern p a rt elicited a g re a t deal of comment. When Miss Moore appeared she sm iled sw eetly and explained th a t due to the fact th a t no one w as using the lib rary for the usual p u rposes she w as w illing to cooperate and m ake some use of the space a fte r all. She told of h er plans to p u t open fireplaces along th e east wall to allow groups to g a th e r fo r picnics as the tables would be ju st grand to eat o ff of. A nt hills will be scattered around in the m ost convenient spots and cages of m osquitos would be loosed occasionally to m ake it all seem real. There will also be a fire hose so placed th a t the w atejTw ill run down th e sta irs and (jiv e -th e effect of a nearby bubbling brook. One g re a t th in g about these a rran g em en ts is th a t it will allow lovers to enjoy the out-of-doors indoors when the w eath er is bad. In order to c a n y o u t the idea of u sing the space in G am m age Lib ra ry fo r som ething, Mr. R. R. Pow ers is also cooperating and m akes th e follow ing statem en t: “E v er since I have been knee-high to a b ottle o f Nehi I have w anted to sell hot dogs. Now is m y chance. We a re throw ing out all the records, files and so fo rth th a t have littered this place fo r years and are rep lacin g them w ith hot dogs of the finest pedigree. I sure hope^you w ill buy m y nice hot- °B ulie Jenson sta te d to a Pine re p o rte r th a t she intended going into business also b ut th a t she w as afraid she lacked ability. But Dean Bellwood say s: “Ju lie is a good g irl and in sp ite o f the crudeness o f hot dog stan d s (o f all thipgs?) we intend to change h er m undane (w h atev er th a t m eans) office into a b eautiful, gleam ing chrom ium and gold trim cocktail lounge." D ean M innie h e a rtily approves th e whole p roject as a m eans of encouraging rom ance on our fa ir cam pus. McGuire Visits For E x t r a Dessert, Is Gue s t Of Tormey A fte r a delicious m eal in th e college dining hall yesterd ay noon Miss M arion McGuire so enjoyed h e r lovely d e sse rt a t Jello and bananas she tried to g et John W hite to loosen up and give h e r a second dish. In sp ite o f th e use o f a p in t o f w hiskey he got tig h t instead, so she sta rte d to leave th e dining hall in g re a t dejection. N oting several e x tra desserts a t Doe T e n n e y 's table she pulled h er spoon out o f h er hair, wiped it o ff on h er s k irt and s a t down to en jo y herself. W hen questioned about th e episode Miss McGuire sta te d : **I had a d a rlin g tim e. D octor Torm ey sta rte d th e conversation in his own q u ain t w ay b y asking, *Who in hell do ya th ink y a a re— anyhow* T” Reporter Makes An Alarming Tjiscovery; Women Plarjr "Anti-Men Drive^""^ s t a t e Tchoices Secret Yens Of Members Told: Some Have Plans For Future Once again the Pine has scooped th e w orld; and, as alw ays, this pap er has refused all bribes and “hush m oney” fro m indigent cu lp rits who would “buy o ff the new shounds.” T u rn in g a deaf e ar to all solicitous cries, the Pine feels duty-bound to b roadcast to th e four w inds of destiny the ta le of an A. S. T. C. “Old M aid's club.” It is not g enerally known, but th ere does ex ist on th is p re tty cam pus an organized club o f old maids. T hey call them selves “The Unchosen Jew els.” It took a conniving re p o rte r (a typical Pine re p o rte r) to “g e t th e low dow n” on this clan of wall flowers, but the resu ltin g evidence w as w orth the effo rt. A fte r a m onth o f eavesdropping, a P in e ‘‘re p o rte r found th e follow ing significant facts. M embers of the Unchosen Jew els include: Dean Lintz, Miss Maxwell, M iss Sw eeney, Lady B, Mrs. Crose, Miss Dock-stad er, Miss Moore, Miss .Chappell and Miss McNeil—th e afore-m entioned being m em bers o f th e first-form er chapter. This list should include Miss Klonda Lynn—a c h a rte r (oak) m em ber who, a t th e tim e, has gone w ith the wind to Louisiana. The second form ed ch ap ter of th is club, who call them selves the Potlickers—a re resid en ts o f th e K inlani ap artm en ts. T hey include th e follow ing m em bers: Miss K iefer, Miss Allen, Miss D insm ore, Miss R oseberry, M iss B eatrice Boyer. Miss M ary B oyer (recently m oved), and Miss Case. The qualifications for m em bership in th is club a re not definite. R eporters have only a few candid (C ontinued on Page F o u r) Concentration tion, Campus Kassle assumes this angle for coaeentrmtioa. “I think better with my foot in it,“ Campus stated when interviewed. “I have tried other spots and portions, but I like this one best o f all,” he |
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